I have to say, things have been pretty amazing lately! In the past couple weeks I became the number one sales rep in my company, received the biggest paycheck of my life, earned a promotion and a raise, and finally found out that we could stay in our current apartment through December (a big concern there for a minute- phew!).
I have to admit, though, April didn’t really have the best start. While I loved the first few days – going to Denver with my best friend turned coworker for a work/play trip, celebrating Hailey’s birthday out with friends, going to Cinderella with my mom and a cooking class with Andrew – it shortly took a turn for the dark and scary. The night after our cooking class, I had a complete and utter meltdown. I acted entirely psychotic towards Andrew and lost my shit, over something so stupid I can’t even bring myself to put it in writing. It was a huge eye-opener for me to come to terms with just how unstable and unhinged I can be at times. Curing my mental state is an ongoing project for me currently, as that night was just one example out of 10 handfuls of my debilitating insecurities. Fast forward a week later, Andrew is out in Scottsdale for a bachelor party with a bunch of people I’ve never met. Naturally I became a worried mess and did what any crazy girlfriend would do: I went through his text messages on his Mac. I saw that he got a girl’s number and texted her, the sight of which sent me into full-blown demonic mental episode and caused me to tell Andrew what I had seen while not-so-subtly ripping his motherfucking head off. I was a wreck. Later we talked about it, he apologized and assured me he only got her number/texted her in order to introduce her to the single guys on the trip. He agreed it was inappropriate and promised it would never happen again. I swore to never invade his privacy again, as it’s clearly wrong and extremely disrespectful to him. We’ve completely made up and moved forward now. But I’d be lying if I said that incident combined with the one from the Sunday prior didn’t drive a wedge between us for a little bit. Every couple has their ups and downs I suppose, but we could certainly work on keeping things more even-keel between us.
Anyways…it’s pretty clear to me that I need to go back to therapy, but I haven’t quite bit the bullet yet on seeking someone out. In due time; adding it to my extensive honey-do list as we speak! I also think I’d like to have a man therapist this time around. The one therapy experience I have somewhat fond memories from was a man when I was 16 and supposedly had an eating disorder. He helped me a lot; I felt I could tell him anything and never felt judged. That’s the problem with women, you never know how they might use the information you share with them against you. Men don’t really care and therefore usually don’t remember the things you tell them…lol. Which I sort of love. I even have a male gynecologist! Why I haven’t I thought of this sooner?!
Back to the good stuff though, things are most definitely looking up now. Financially, professionally, relation-ally…I’m really happy with my current situation and truly have no real complaints. Yesterday, I was riding a Lyft scooter back to work, yoga mat strapped to my back, ready to conquer my last call of the day and take a yoga class with work friends. It was a beautiful day, I parked right outside Whole Foods by the office and walked in to get some sushi, then took a breath of fresh air and realized just how lucky I am. “Is this really my life?” I thought, “What an exciting time to be alive.”
Life has it’s ups and downs, that’s for sure. The only thing you can control is your attitude, and how you choose to respond to situations. I can admit with zero hesitation that I haven’t always been the best at maintaining a sunny disposition during tough times, but it’s sometime I want to work on for sure. Like I said – I’m a work in progress, baby!
More to come later.
Never, ever stop growing.
XOXO,
HP
Diary of a Daydreamer 